Where is it?

As soon as I awoke today I knew I was headed for a mental meltdown. I had to be at the doctors at 8:00 a.m. for blood work but my eyes were so swollen it looked like I had been on a 3-day crying jag. And, trust me, if I have to LOOK like I’ve been on a 3-day crying jag I better have HAD that 3 days of crying!! My blood work is still very low and I’m scheduled for 2 units of platelets (now totaling 9) in the afternoon. Today is day 20 of Round 3 of Chemo. The last two Rounds I recovered before the 19th day! WHERE IS IT?? My recovery is one day late!

I had a few hours before heading over for the transfusions so I decided to write to my Leukemia Research Nurse at MD Anderson, Jennie Feliu, about my doubts and fears. She wrote me the most thoughtful and informative response.

Hi Ms. Wolfe - Please don’t feel discouraged. Everything you are experiencing is normal for this treatment. I realize you had a much easier time of it the previous course, but every course can be different. Although, I’m sure it doesn’t feel like it I still think you are doing well. There are many patients who are in the hospital with infections every cycle. Mouth sores are common (try swishing with baking soda and salt), needing transfusions are common, and counts taking longer to recover are common. I would anticipate it taking a few more weeks to recover and would not be alarmed by that. Some patients do not recover for 6-7 weeks. I will need to see the counts next week and discuss with Dr. Estrov then if he wants you to return on the 15th or delay your return until counts recover more. They need to be higher to give the chemotherapy and I don’t want you to make a wasted trip.

I realize my words may not be helping your discouragement, but please hear me when I say everything you are experiencing and feeling is normal. There is nothing in the below information that concerns me, unfortunately it is all part of the deal with chemo. I also realize that it is much easier for me to say all of this to you, as I am not the one going through it.

Hang in there!! The sun will come out again. Jennie

Oh please help me to heed her words!

Getting my 2 units of platelets this afternoon was very unpleasant. I cried the entire time (have no idea why) and thought that I was having a reaction to the second unit (hard to breathe, tingly, etc.). My nurse felt I was having an anxiety attack and encouraged me to get the Xanax prescription filled that I’ve had for two weeks and USE it!

As Sandy pulled into my driveway to drop me off, a beautiful yellow and white flower bouquet was on my door step. It was from my cousin Nancy – who was reminding me how good I am at making lemonade out of lemons! The day ended well!